My Journey as an Artist Began at First consciousness

I started painting around the age of four. I remember having an easel set up in my parents' kitchen, flinging yellow paint at it—only to completely miss and splatter the kitchen cabinets instead. Like most kids, I began with potato prints and bubble ink art, simple explorations of creativity. But it wasn’t long before I moved on to colour mixing and, flinging paint at easels (and missing).

Art has always been something I naturally gravitated toward—a source of comfort and a way to express myself. Painting and drawing, in particular, became my way of communicating ideas and emotions. Sometimes, though, it was simply about the joy of creating, with no deeper meaning beyond bringing the image into existence and the joy of painting.

As a child, I would spend ages making hand-drawn Christmas cards for my extended family each year, each one telling a different story of Santa, Rudolph, and other festive characters- took ages!

When I was 14, my drawing of Santa scuba diving—what I considered "bad" art at the time—was published in the AYME magazine (Association of Young People with M.E.). I also wrote film reviews for them.

Art Is Who I Am, Not Just What I Do

I know some find art later in life, something I wish to understand more of.

For me however art was always there (except for the break which I shall explain later) . Art is my way of understanding my self and my place in the world. It is something within me, something I have always done.

Now I realise it is a way in which I amuse myself, it brings meaning to a broken world, without art I am just going through the motions and trying to survive. Art however is something tangible I can bring out into the world.

Art is more than a career option, it is a lifestyle.

That said having this gift and being the only thing I am wired up to do, might as well bring it to the world and those who wish to, can purchase it and those who don’t wish to purchase can still enjoy it for art sake, for a fun experience, a thing to experience, a day out. I have so much artwork now, why would I hold onto it and keep it from the world?

When Illness Stood Between Me and My Art

At age nine, I caught glandular fever—and I have never really fully recovered. Every six to eight weeks, I was struck down with flu-like symptoms that would last another six weeks, creating a relentless cycle. I struggled through Year 5 and 6, managing only sporadic attendance. By Year 7, I was barely getting through secondary school, and by Year 8, exhaustion took over. I came home one half term, collapsed into bed, and that’s where I stayed—for years.

I was bedbound for about a year and housebound for another three. Fatigue and muscle spasms/joint issues have been lifelong challenges. My teenage years were spent mostly indoors, slowly working toward being able to go outside without debilitating vertigo. At 16, I enrolled in college to catch up on the equivalent of GCSEs and A-Levels, having been taught by home tutors leading up to that point (once was able but they exhausted me). It quickly became clear that the structured coursework of an Art GCSE didn’t suit my creative approach—and, realistically, it would have been too much for me anyway.

After a year of catch up studies—Maths, English, and Psychology—I decided to quit before the second year, which included Science and Biology (ironically, I later qualified as a sports massage therapist). Instead, I got into college for foundation years based on my portfolio alone.

By 18, I was navigating new experiences. I had my first drink on my 18th birthday, but my drinking escalated, and on a college trip to Cornwall, I drank every day. Somehow, I got through it. When it came time to apply for university, I set my sights on Falmouth, Cornwall—a place by the sea.

The interview was intense. A panel of three people fired questions at me before I had even sat down. “Sorry, we haven’t even introduced ourselves,” one finally said. They cross-examined my choices—why I had picked a particular colour, why I had used a London skyline for an American article. I hadn’t even noticed that detail. Surely, spotting these details was something an illustration course should teach me? to be more through? I didn’t get non of course!

At my Swansea interview, they criticised my stylised approach, telling me I still needed to refine my anatomy skills. Was this going to be another rejection? I zoned out, convinced I had failed. But just as I was ready to leave, they told me I had been accepted—right then and there. I think my life drawings saved me because my imaginative pieces certainly hadn’t connected with them.

At university, fatigue was still a constant battle, as it is today. I had to learn how to manage my time carefully, pacing myself to get through.

From Weakness to Strength: How Fitness Became My Art of Healing

Shuffling down the stairs occasionally saved me from muscle atrophy. To rebuild strength, I took up tai chi. I had been climbing since age eight, but glandular fever put a stop to that. I returned to it around 20, relearning the figure-eight knot, safety techniques, and later, lead climbing. At university, I joined the climbing club, reaching around 6B+ on the grading scale and climbing outdoors a couple of times a year—Avon Gorge, Cheddar Gorge, Pembrokeshire, Portland. Mostly sport climbing, occasionally trad, usually seconding. I never progressed to multi-pitch routes, anchors, or other knots.

A bad fall during a warm-up climb—an unexpected 10-15 ft drop while lead climbing, took slack to clip in—shattered my confidence. Despite six months of trying to overcome my fear, I had to quit. Around this time, my parents met our neighbour, got talking , discovered much later he ran the club and was a 6th-degree black belt, and I began training in Goju-Ryu Karate. Over five years, I reached 6th Kyu (green belt) but failed my blue belt test when, in a panic, I accidentally struck my training partner in the face instead of using proper technique. Not my finest moment. I eventually quit after a second shoulder subluxation—turns out I’m hypermobile and have dislocated or subluxed multiple joints.

I spent the next two years searching for a new fitness focus. During this time, I earned a sports massage diploma and tried to build a client base in a circuits gym but felt out of my depth. I briefly took up boxing but found it lacking in intensity (this particular gym anyway). Then I discovered Mat Fraser and CrossFit. His physique and the sheer challenge of it drew me in. At 30, as I was quitting drink and drugs, I took the plunge.

When Covid hit, I kept training in my parents' garden, having managed to get hold of an Olympic bar before they all sold out. But in Sept 2023, after adopting my rescue dog and feeling burnt out from lockdowns and career uncertainty, I took a two-year break. Now, at nearly 38, I’m starting the long road back. Seeing Jacinto Bonilla—who competed in the CrossFit Games at 73 and still runs a gym at 85—has been hugely inspiring. He doesn’t just look fit; he looks decades younger. That’s what I want. I refuse to be a sedentary artist, stuck in the same spot all week with only walking my dog for movement. I wish to regain elite fitness.

I know I won’t hit 4-5 sessions a week (Mat Fraser trained 4-6 times a day at his peak! to put in perspective!), but I aim for 2-3, slowly and carefully. My first session back left me in shock—I could barely walk for three days, limping with Ralph. despite thinking I had taken it easy. Then I got flu after the solo show, which dragged on for nearly five weeks, just coming to tail end of it. Now, I’m finally ready to ease back into training. Fitness helps my mind and my art—keeping my body in the best shape possible, even with a fatigue disorder, fitness is different, its for 45 minutes, not 8 hours every day. Art I can paint the same in four hours that most would in 20, I have sped up over the years and I am strategic with my time and therefore energy levels. To be honest I have no idea if I can fit CrossFit in to my life but I just miss being strong lol

The biggest challenge? Fixing my diet. Fitness and health are not the same thing. Cooking solo drains my focus, so I rely on slow cooker meals and gym kitchen ready meals—better than other ready meals on the market but still not ideal. The worst habit is bread for breakfast. Porridge (oatmeal) is tricky—I either zone out and burn it or mess up the texture. Overnight oats? I forget to prep them. Ah, ADHD. I used to have porridge every morning—time to retrain the habit.

Injury Map ….oh and lost of the toe nail on right big toe…forgot about that disgusting detail (it grew back)

Art Through Evening Classes

I first discovered life drawing through evening classes. I’ve written a full blog about it on my Patreon, complete with photos of me life modelling—a new chapter in courage, having photographic evidence! Oh my!

At first, I hid behind my easel, sneaking quick glances at the model. Now, I’m completely comfortable—I chat with the models and even model myself. I once refused a tutor’s suggestion to use a bigger brush, only to be later congratulated for managing to fill the paper with a fine rigger brush (well, A2-ish on an A1 sheet—Google ‘A sizes’ if you're American! -size of A2 in inches 16.5 x 23.4…..size of A1 is twice size of A2 - 23.4 x 33.1).

I miss those small, tutor-led classes with easels. I may have to find another at a college evening class sometime.

Two Years of Growth: Studying Art in Weston-super-Mare

I got onto a two-year foundation art course where we explored a range of disciplines—darkroom photography, fine art, illustration, printmaking, and more. It was an incredible experience, but it was also when my social life and drinking started to blur. I wanted to fit in but found myself trying too hard.

Weston itself isn’t the most charming seaside town—mostly gambling, arcades, and not much else—but the college was fantastic.

Studying by the Sea: My Time at Swansea Metropolitan (2009-2012)

My dream was to work in editorial, advertising, or concept art for films. I had plenty of ideas, but when I discovered the exceptional skill and style required for concept art, I realised it wasn’t for me. This was also when life started to unravel.

I ended a two-year, and eight-month long relationship—I wanted independence and felt trapped trying to juggle my course, a relationship, and my increasing drinking - her was getting in the way of the addiction forming. Plus looking back we won’t a right for one another, wishing for different things in life.

University didn’t teach much about the craft or draftsmanship of art; it was more about developing creativity, something I already had in spades. It would have been far better if we could have chosen dedicated classes in acrylics, oils, or other mediums. There was an expert in coloured pencils who taught mixed media—his talent felt wasted, though I admired him and the other tutors.

The biggest learning experience was life drawing. The tutor was like a drill sergeant—strict, passionate, and relentless—but I loved it. Four hours a week for years taught me more than anything else. Some mixed media techniques were useful, but the constant push to experiment meant I never mastered anything consistently. "I think your style would suit oils," they'd say, handing me yet another new medium to try. In the end, most of what I learned came after university—through YouTube, tutorials, and trial and error. Even now, I look up techniques when I’m aiming for a particular effect.

By my third year, I was drinking heavily, now single, promiscuous, and climbing most days. Misspent youth comes to mind (well perhaps the climbing was on !). I was predicted a third, but I put in the work and earned a 2:1 Hons—just a few points shy of a first. By May, most of the coursework was done, but we had to return later for final results. I felt lost. The girl I really liked—someone I had dated on and off but never got very far with, apart from a few kisses—was leaving for four months. That felt like a huge blow, but those four months eventually turned into nearly five years.

That was when I gave in to peer pressure, despite having been anti-drugs for years. What followed was a long struggle with addiction, felt impossible to stop, though I had tried with will power alone.

From 2012 to the end of 2017, I barely painted, drew, or focused on fitness. I still somehow made it to karate sometimes, even with a hangover. I'd often pretend to head home after a night out during karate socials like Christmas, only to double back and keep drinking and start using.

I can’t believe that was my life for so long, and not so long ago.

Now, with over seven years clean, I’ve stepped away from meetings, but my focus is on art, fitness, and trying to eat right—though I’ve slipped a bit with the diet recently. I’m happy being single (open to meeting my person but not actively looking), I have Ralph, my dog, and I paint most days. I’ll get fit again and hit my PBs one day.

The Power of Community: Finding My People in the Art World

The best thing about university was being surrounded by other artists, all within walking distance. Having student accommodation meant that most of my neighbours and those in nearby roads were fellow artists on the same course, or similar. Being able to message each other and organise collaborative painting sessions was priceless, and it’s something I really miss.

Since then, I’ve met countless artists and creatives through the Art battle competitions, Upfest street art festival, North street gallery, circular art space gallery, life drawing classes, exhibitions, and various other artistic events. I've also had the pleasure of connecting with many YouTube creatives, such as Epic Kate, Rafi, and Klee, whom I speak to regularly via video calls.

Art has also given me the opportunity to interact with the public—people I would have been too shy to approach otherwise. It allows me to be social with a focus, as the art is the main point of conversation. I always thought I was an extrovert, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve realised I was overcompensating for my shyness and awkwardness, so I’m probably an introvert with moments of extroverted energy.

I agree with George Carlin—I love people individually, but when they form groups, that’s when it becomes a problem. Group mentality can be problematic, especially with the rise of the internet, where people are quick to share opinions that spread negativity. I keep my opinions to myself (in comment sections ) and focus on spreading tolerance and love. I value the individual connections I’ve made, and I’m grateful for those who have found my art and connect on the same wavelength.

I remind myself that it’s the individual connections that matter, not just the idea of connection. I’ve met many amazing people in person, and I thoroughly enjoyed my solo show. Despite my love for solitude and time in the studio, I realise I value human connection—though, admittedly, I was ready to go back to being art hermit!

My Break from Art (2012-2016): The Missing Years

After university, I didn’t know why I was creating art. It was all about catching up with deadlines. I had a conveyor belt of oil paintings that I handed in wet—and that’s just not how I like to work. Sure, there are times I push myself to create quickly and see how many I can make, but now it’s my choice, and more often than not, I prefer to focus wholeheartedly on one piece - feeling its emotion or tackling that artworks challenges. Each work has its own message and mood, and it’s hard to switch gears when I’m deep into one.

For a long time, I didn’t paint at all. That’s when I discovered sports massage. After uni, I had no idea what I wanted to do—feeling lost and depressed, unsure of my direction, caught up in drugs, and then trying personal training, though I was awful at it. So, I shifted to injuries instead. I worked self-employed in that field for about five years, helped one person go from struggling to get on the table, to being back at the gym and many other amazing stories. Wrapping up at the end of 2014. During that time, I also massaged at the 2014 Bristol Triathlon. Although I didn’t get paid for it, as it was part of my training, I began to get work long before my qualifications were complete.

I also worked in a home insurance call centre at one point, for a while and moved cars in the dock—just trying to keep busy while I was struggling to find my thing (it was the art but I didn’t think it was possible ). During this dark period, I began drawing as a form of therapy. Once I was clean—around six months into 2018—art returned fully into my life. After a year clean and sober, art became my solace.

I started participating in art trails, not realising the work was meant to be for sale. At first, I simply showed my sketchbooks and art as a way to share it. I didn’t sell anything for the first few years, but now, I know I’ll at least make back the £50 for the booth (which started at £20).

December 1st, 2017: The Day Everything Changed

I knew about AA, but a friend told me about NA and its focus on anonymity - ha and here I am mentioning it, but no names mentioned. So, I walked to my first meeting, ironically worried it might get me into trouble with the law. But when I sat down and listened, I connected with the others. I understood what addicts facing greater struggles than mine were saying, and for the first time, I felt understood in my own fight. I attended meetings regularly for the first 4-5 years of my recovery, completing the 12 steps, with art and fitness being an integral part of that journey. More importantly the inner work, which is on going.

At the same time, I started CrossFit, which I now see as what truly saved me or very least it allowed a focus on something other than my failings a s a human. It filled the gap left by my undiagnosed ADHD, providing me with the chemicals that meds give me now—and probably why I trained so often! Starting with limping home and lying on a hard surface but looking back I got super fit, can I do it again???? Can I balance an art career and an hour at the gym?

Painting Every Day: Committing to My Craft

While I don’t paint every single day, and there are days when life happens or I’m reflecting and pondering what to do next on a piece, I do paint most days—and certainly every week (unless the flu zaps my concentration for a month!). It’s just something I do, this driving force inside me. Even though I have many days filled with imposter syndrome and uncertainty about turning this into a career, I quietly remind myself: You're an artist, this is what you do, and you'll figure it out.

untitled textured wolf part of three wolves I painted before lockdown in 2020, more info and larger images here

Selling My First Original Painting in 2019

I had been sharing my art on Facebook and instagram quite consistently since 2018 and I had a message off of a friend of a friend, part of the ENFP group (story for another blog) and got the message, “I didnt know you painted, is the wolf for sale?”. I had it on for £300 on Etsy and I really wasn’t sure my friend would go for such a price. They were more than happy and asked if they could pay over 6 months, and so that is what happened, and of course by the time 6 months rolled round and time to deliver it, covid had happened. So I delivered it with mask, gloves and distance, struggling to breath in mask while tried to wrap this painting. So I never really got to see the full joy and it going up but they sent me a photo - ill need to locate it

19. Upfest 2020: Doubt, COVID, and the Journey to 2022

January 2020 is also when my application got accepted to paint in the May 2020 upfest - Europes biggest street art festival, and March 2020 was when it got cancelled and given option to paint at the next one when safe to do so. June 2020 is when the creative community banded together and I was getting all sorts of invites, some scams. There was one from the Hansway collective (see the awkwardness on YouTube here ) and upon looking it up, I found it was real and I liked her personality and interviewing style.

So I agreed, then discovered it was on instagram live and I was terrified enough of being on video as it was, let alone it being LIVE!. During the marketing course for sports massage I was told video was the best way to connect but at the time it was a nope from me! Somehow something stirred within me and I thought it wasn’t that bad an experience, and now the flea market has stopped (I was just getting into going regularly ) I best try online, and so I began my YouTube channel a couple of weeks later. I now have 431 subscribers, so its building though slow in terms of some creators exponential growth, but I wish to get back into regular posting with more happening with physically exhibitions its been a bit tricky with painting more for those but needing time to edit too. Not to mention remembering where the footage is on the phone (must get back into cameras but I just always have my phone)

I painted at the upfest festival in 2022 and I tried to use a stencil which took me ages and then didnt work, I couldn’t follow it, I shouldn’t have changed my approach , that video is here

Upfest 2024: A New Chapter in My Artistic Journey

My approach changed, I didnt have much of a concept sketch, nor a plan in particular and by now I had perfected my maze heads, I also think the portrait turned out amazing, and I was eyeballing for the scale, the board was half the size too due to funding and less space at that year’s venue. Rather than 14 hours I painted it in 5 , and even felt relaxed enough to stop for lunch with my friend and aunt . It flew by and this was when I had my adopted rescue dog Ralph who I adopted in Sept 2023 and so the routine has changed - he was happy with his dog walker all day .

Having a dog and change of routine

Where as I had energy to paint for hours before, now with the dog walks and fitting CrossFit in again, plus promoting my work more, its a little different, ill make a video with visuals but this is the basic run down

The photo on the rescue group of Ralph being transported to his foster parents - cant help love this face. Happy they felt me and Ralph were a good match for one another “How about Ralph…these are his needs”

8:15 wake
8:15-8:30 Ralph joins me for Belly rubs
8:30-10 getting used to being conscious, watching a program, reading an art book etc
10 write a bit of a blog or plan one …put slow cooker on if need more food - bung in meat, veg, lentils and spices, easy…8 hours done.
11:15 take Ralph for a walk
12:40 return from walk,
12:40-13:30 lunch - usually left overs from slow cooker or gym kitchen if havent done a batch - play with Ralph while eating
13:30-17:30 paint while Ralph sleeps
17:30-18:30 any admin, blog, update website, social media , etc
18:30-19:30 dinner with film, 19:30-20:30 film continues
20:30 take Ralph for a Wee before he goes to sleep, sometimes I miss this and then wait for him to wake finding me for a wee at 22:00
22:00-23:00 my own time ralph in bed, read or doodle ideas, to do list for the following day
23:00 sleep , repeat

Ralph today while I organise these photos , multitasking is needed as dog owner. “could you just not play with Ralph while blogging “ eh no…..

Ralph hasn’t worked out if he rolls in smelly stuff (luckily not regular occurrence ) or covered in mud from digging, this is what happens, for ma dog who loves to paddle he hates the bath, tolerate the shower but not happy.

Painting the Suspension Bridge (August 2024)

An engineering company employee found me via the 2024 upfest and commissioned me through upfest to paint a suspension bridge landscape in my stylised style and abstract elements while still knowing what landscape it was. I very nearly turned it down as I am not a landscape artist (though I will paint any subject) and I wasn’t sure how I would create a well known scene and make it my own when been many artworks before, but then I had ideas of approach and went for it.

It was a 2 x 1 metre canvas which upfest sourced and gave me the keys to their warehouse to use. It took me around 5 weeks to paint and the client loved it, I have a whole video exploring this (here) and I am re editing part two as I acciedently deleted the files “file missing” really final cut you dont save it locally …..arghhh last time I will make that mistake but have begun again. Really fun videos and experience and I hope to visit it now it is up soon - reason I hadn’t backed the part 2 up, was waiting to get that footage/photo of it hung. There were a lot of challenging moments, I painted the entire thing by eye, no projectors or tracing or anything like that for scale. I had to scrap one part off because the perspective was too busy with the abstracts and had to make more of a block colour and bring that panorama up a few inches. I hope to be given many more commissioned projects like this, as they don’t come around often. Just I need a bigger studio and a van (be handy for the dog walking side hustle too (very little hours right now, focusing on the art )

Low res photo of the suspension bridge 2 × 1 metre canvas by Chris Shopland

The Dream of Making Art My Full-Time Living

I am sure a lot of people think this is just a hobby but im putting in the time, all I can do is to create a lot of art and find new and creative ways to put it out there so they can find their people. That its it.

I strongly believe all art is meant for someone, long as I put my heart into what I am doing, ie I am focused and within the moment, then it will find its person eventually. I would love for art to fuel my creative life and allow for me to live.

My greatest obstacle is myself. I fear art doesn’t do anything, its just a canvas on a wall with paint on, I fear wanting money for it when the rest of the world is starving and in poverty, the world is bering, difficult, art to fuel my Western lifestyle of Apple Mac computers, rent, etc but in having a full life and being paid well for the time I put in and the love and connection my art gives, the better able I am able to give to charity , to give back, and I can also then use my influence to help others, like put on a paint shoe workshop for free for those who can’t afford shoes or other projects other artists have done. The YouTube collab earning 100k for charity from the many prints and original selling. I wish for my art to be able to have an impact from the love for the art.

Selling at my first charity auction last year was a highlight! helped rescue dogs.

artwork bid won for charity , got to hand deliver, so they met Ralph (they foster dogs so ok with Ralphs quirks )

I wish to be in momentum where my art sells regularly enough to have a new chapter begin, I have had these artworks for a while, they don’t go off they are not milk, I fear people will think I love my art too much with showing on my walls but I may as well enjoy them and understand their power before they find their person. The thing is I paint around 2-5 paintings a week and I need them to sell or I will, already have, ran out of room! and I cant get to my desk or easel in order to paint because so much darn art about, I cant enjoy them as your blank walls could.

Hanging with friends dog Lotti before I had Ralph

I struggled with this, why would a painting help a blank wall????

well if I take time to think further, what if you have spent time renovating and coming up with a whole interior design. you’ve spent thousands on the room, new sofa, a new wall and layout built, state of the art music system, and carved coffee table, plants and yet something feels off with a huge black wall above the sofa/couch - you need a painting to fill it!

To finish the room, to say something about you and the space, you’ve already spent a good amount on it and are under budget. So you’re happy to look for a painting up to £1200 and then you see it, a painting that is the perfect subject, and size, it wasn’t what you envisioned but you know this is the painting for that space, and maybe it’s under budget at £650, the artist is confident but a little sheepish offering it for 595…you’re delighted at the offered discount but no no, you’ve wanted an original to support a local artist for some time now and this already leaves extra for a rainy day fund, you’ve worked hard all your life and now you want a relaxing space to chill, so you insist on the price, the artist throws in a couple of stickers instead and smiles as they wrap the painting up, while doing so you chat about the meaning of the painting and why it grabbed your attention, you keep in touch, you’re room is complete but now you think perhaps the other rooms need original art and there were some smaller paintings for £75 that could lift up the other room without needing to go all out like with this one. Thinking in these terms, its changes the whole living space and this truly does change how we feel. Room make over shows were a big thing when I was growing up and so there is an audience for this, our living spaces change how we live. So why not have paintings be apart of that? Also just having a painting without all that, can lift you up. I have my eye on a few originals from other artists in fact (if I too could afford them)

Looking Ahead: My Artistic Dreams for the Future

I wish to discover more venues to show my work physically, and perhaps even have a permanent space in which to hold exhibitions of my work. I also wish to get more into the online market and find new ways in which to show the art, tricky when the person viewing and purchasing may have not seen the artwork in person and it would be a real hassle to send back, so I wish to make sure the return policy isn’t required and they’ll love it more than when they saw it online, and just hope this is the case each and every time. I also hope to be in a position to support and purchase art from other artists I love and follow, and have the space in which to display them too.

Born to Create: My Life in Art, Breaks, and New Beginnings